Mommy Blues

Something has happened to me in the last couple of weeks. Maybe it's because summer is almost gone. Maybe it's because my mom's been gone for a while. Maybe it's because Alyssia is becoming more of a challenge every day. Maybe it's because August is the month that marks Chloe's birthday. Whatever the reason, I've been feeling a bit blue and a bit overwhelmed. (ok, more than a bit overwhelmed).



The good news is, God has given me some ideas about how to feel better. I have figured out that I am not an island. (Duh). I thought I was good at asking for help, but really I need to do better. Today my neighbor and I took the kids for a walk and for lunch at a park. It was really nice. I've been talking to some other moms about how I feel and it's so refreshing to find out I'm not the only one. I didn't know they had a name for that trapped feeling you get after a while when you can't leave the house between 9 and 12 or between 2 and 4 because of nap-time and lunch time. (Naptime prison). I've decided I have to let go of my plans to be perfect. (It's futile--sometimes she's just going to have to eat hot dogs and cheetos instead of freshly sauted spinach and homemade chicken enchiladas!!). I'm hoping to join a mom's group with my neighbor and get Gramma to come over on those mornings so I can go to it while Alyssia naps. I'm also going to let go of that feeling of "I"m getting nothing done!!" when she's having one of those days when playing inside the play yard is just not an option. She's having more of those because she wants to explore and practice all that great crawling and cruising and balancing. Whoever said or thought that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy job is SO clueless.



As I've said in previous posts, my job as a judge was a cakewalk compared to this. I've been doing a little work for other attorneys recently and it's amazing how quickly I'm getting the work done. It's like I have to do everything at lightening speed because the baby is ABOUT TO GET UP FROM HER NAP SO TYPE FASTER! or ABOUT TO START THROWING FOOD FROM THE HIGHCHAIR SO GET HER DOWN NOW or ABSOLUTELY REFUSING TO STAY IN THE PLAY YARD!!!




When Alyssia was tiny, other moms used to say to me, "Oh, she's at the easy stage. Enjoy it." I'd smile and think, what is she talking about? I get up every 2 hours. I'm sore all the time. I feel like a zombie. How can this be the easy stage? Well, now I get it. I'm getting more sleep now, but wow, the days are so much more complicated. Just figuring out what to feed this kid three or four times a day (she's a picky eater and really needs to gain weight), how to keep her occupied when she's not eating or sleeping, and how to keep her from hurting herself when she's awake is requiring everything I have. Oh, and I'm discovering that it's hard on a person to be yelled and screamed at all day long--even if the person yelling is only 30 inches tall and only weighs 16 pounds!





Alyssia is going through this thing now where she wants to kiss and hug daddy all the time, but mom? fugeddaboutit. That's hard. You have to be mentally strong to do this job well.









Admitting all this sounded ridiculous to me until I started talking to other moms. This is a really hard job. Mom, I don't know how you did it with a 15 month old and a newborn. You are a GENIUS. A GENIUS, do you hear me? A GENIUS. Dad, you ought to thank God every day that He gave you a woman as talented, determined, and sweet as mom is. Mom, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for Deirdre, Megan and me. We love you.



Grammy!! You are also really amazing. Five kids!! And you were so young when you started and your mother was all the way in Jamaica and Grandpa was in the service and away from home a lot. Wow. You are awesome!! I honor you for the job you did raising all those kids and for all the wonderful time you spent with all of us when we were little. I know it meant the world to my mom and my aunties to have your help. Thank you. I love you.


To my sisters, Deirdre and Megan. You guys ROCK. You're doing an awesome job. You got to this stage before I did and I didn't hear you complaining. You're both tough and beautiful and caring and doing a good job with those babies. And I know they're a handful. Keep up the good work. I'm glad you have each other to hang out with sometimes. Give my brothers-in-law and nieces some kisses and hugs for me.

Finally, I have to say, if I didn't have Ben helping me, I would be COMPLETELY crazy (instead of just a little bit crazy). He works hard all day and yet he comes home and helps with Alyssia so I can make dinner in peace. And he does dishes sometimes. And he mows the grass and does a few loads of laundry. And he's been telling me lately that I'm doing a good job and I so needed to hear it. Thanks, honey.

Happy Birthday Chloe

Today is the day. Chloe would have been 3 years old today. And if she had been here, we would have had a big party for her like we had for Alyssia. I am sure that whatever she enjoys in heaven far surpasses what we could have given her. Nonetheless, we miss her so much and from a finite, earthly view, we earnestly wish we still had her in our arms to hold.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart. We love you dearly and miss you every day.

Little Gym

Right before my mom left, we took Alyssia to the Little Gym for a trial class. She loved it so much. She was the smallest child in the class and the only one not walking yet, but that did not stop her from making herself known. From the moment we walked in until the class was over, she shrieked and squealed with joy at the top of her lungs. She loved the teacher and she wanted to do every activity, even the ones that looked a little dangerous (well, not really). She also loved her classmates and laid a few kisses on at least two of them.

This looked like the scariest trick of all. When Alyssia saw the teacher setting this up and putting the first baby on the wheel, she reached out for it and started shouting "Me-a-me-a-me!!!!" I told her she had to wait her turn and be patient. Ha! She loved it.

This parachute was a lot of fun. Alyssia had to go in the center of it because she doesn't walk yet. The other kids were holding on to the edges and walking around while we sang. Colored scarves and bells were a big hit with all the babies.

Nana was rolling Alyssia down the ramp. She thought that was a great game. She wanted to do it again and again and again. Good thing Nana has so much energy.




The little stinker was trying to escape from me, but I caught her just in time.

The Best Family and Friends Ever

A few days ago, my mom told us that she had a surprise for us on Friday night. The first stop was to pick up our dear friend, Patti Taylor. Patti gave directions while Ben drove. We ended up at the cemetery where dear baby Chloe is buried. We walked to her grave and saw the most beautiful marker. As we stood there admiring it, my mom gave us a card. Inside were the names of so many family members and friends, all people who had contributed to buy us this beautiful memorial for our daughter. I was so overwhelmed by the love of my family (and the friends who participated are like family to me, so we'll just call them family too), that I couldn't keep back the tears. The card said that Chloe would never be forgotten and that means the world to me. She was such a special, sweet little girl and to know that all these people still love her and still miss her makes me feel very loved.

Thank you Mom and Dad for doing this. Thank you Grammy, Mom Kimbrell, Deirdre, Sebastian, Roma, Jason, Megan, Veronica, Aunt Cheryl, Uncle Steve, Sarah, Stephen, Andrew, Kelly, Gayle, Annie, Rob, Patti, Darryl, Vernell, Tyra, and Lori. Saying thank you doesn't really feel like enough, but I don't know what else to say. You all are so dear to me and so kind to do this for us. I thank God for you and pray that all of his blessings are yours. We love you.

It is so hard to believe that on August 18, Chloe would have been three years old. I don't know where the time went. I wonder what she would have looked like and what her personality would have been. It still hurts that I don't have her here to hold, but I do have the blessed hope that one day, I'll be reunited with her in heaven. I'm so thankful for that hope. I'm so thankful for the power of the resurrection of Jesus. He conquered death and because of that, I can have hope for life after death. God has been so good to us, to give us faith and to give us family and friends who really love us.

Happy Birthday!

Today was the big day. I woke up Alyssia this morning and said, "Happy Birthday, Honey. It's your birthday today!" She smiled at me (binky intact) and said "hee-hee, hee-hee." The entire day was a blur. I'm sitting down now to make a few notes, before I forget.

Alyssia had this fantastic look on her face every time she saw a new present. Priceless.

A HUGE crowd came to the party. Alyssia had a wonderful time. The birthday girl wore a green and white polka dot dress for the first half of the party (before cake) and a little yellow and pink romper (after cake) .

When she came out of her room after her nap and saw all those people in her living room, she looked a little stunned at first. After a few short moments she wanted to play with all her little friends. For the next two hours, I hardly saw her because all the kids were playing together-sometimes outside on the front lawn, sometimes on the deck. It was very hot outside, and despite the air conditioning, quite warm inside too.

Nana made two fabulous cakes. Gramma Norma came over early to help. Kelsey, one of Alyssia's favorite teenagers, came over in the morning to help also. Kelsey was a great help to me today, as she always is. I've adopted her as my niece and she's adopted me as her aunt. We all did a lot of cleaning, straightening, organizing, cooking, wrapping, decorating, watering, and filling of the goody bags.

Ben grilled 40 burgers and 40 hot dogs. Peggy brought a pot of sloppy joes. My neighbor Kim made potato salad. Nana made 48 deviled eggs. Muzzy brought a delicious bean salad. Aunt Ann brought a pasta salad. Grandma Francis brought a delicious pineapple coconut cake. And I made the punch and some appetizers. It was quite a spread. The good news is, the guests ate it all, except for a little bit of birthday cake.


Alyssia seemed a little confused during the happy birthday song, but I think she enjoyed it. I know she enjoyed the cake. We placed one entire cake in front of her and she very daintily scooped up some icing with one finger. She ended up smearing her beautiful dress with pink icing. Nana will get it out. After that, she had a quick wipe down and change of clothes so she could open presents. All of our friends brought such lovely gifts. Every time we opened another present, Alyssia would reach out for it, mouth wide open, eyes excited. She isn't going to know what to do with herself tomorrow when she can peruse all her new toys in peace.



There were a lot of sweet little ones here today. I think they all enjoyed themselves. The babies attending included Callie, Caris, Olivia, Cheyanne (all babies from church), and Chloe (my neighbor). I had intended to do a baby photo shoot--on a blanket in the yard. But with everything going on, I never got to it. We also had quite a few toddlers and a good group of older kids. Alyssia loves them all. She is such a little social butterfly.




She followed Esther around and around the living room, loving every minute of it. She sat outside in a circle with a group of kids and played duck, duck, goose. Esther was my little after-party helper. Watching the two of them play after the party was probably the best part. Esther is 9 and Alyssia adores her. Esther is so good to her and entertains her with little songs and funny faces. When Alyssia sees her at church, she reaches out to her, even if I'm holding her--which says a lot.

After all the guests were gone and some of the party mess had been cleaned up, I finally asked Alyssia if she'd like to have her bath. "Oh Yeah," she replied, with the accompanying shaking of both arms, up and down, up and down, and the kicking of the little legs. I was so exhausted, but so happy at the end of this special day. During her bath, I asked Alyssia if she had a nice time at her party and told her happy birthday again. She turned away from her boats, put a little wet hand up on my face and gave me a kiss and said "hay chew" (Translation: "thank you"). Does it get any better than that?




One sad thing happened today. Ben's Great Aunt Doris, who had been faithfully working in the kitchen, drying and putting away dishes, passed out and fell to the floor. Thankfully, two of my good friends, Peggy and Gerrianne, are nurses. They stayed with Aunt Doris until the paramedics arrived. I've just learned that Aunt Doris did break a bone in her leg when she fell. We're feeling very bad about that and wish she had been resting, instead of working. Please keep Aunt Doris in your prayers. She is a lovely lady and we pray she recovers fully.




One last thing. One of my little guests, Julia, got stuck in the bathroom during all the commotion. I came around the corner and saw a paramedic opening the door and comforting Julia, who was very upset. Apparently, she couldn't get the door open (it does stick sometimes), was calling out for her mom (one of the nurses helping Aunt Doris), and with all the confusion, no one heard her. No one except one of the paramedics, who happened to hear her crying and saved her. They came to the house to help Aunt Doris and ended up saving little Julia from the big bad bathroom also. The cacophony in my house during any party is deafening. It was especially noisy and confusing today. It's a good thing the paramedics were there. Julia might have been stuck in the bathroom for hours.



Now you know why I named this blog "CRAZYhomeK"