Something has happened to me in the last couple of weeks. Maybe it's because summer is almost gone. Maybe it's because my mom's been gone for a while. Maybe it's because Alyssia is becoming more of a challenge every day. Maybe it's because August is the month that marks Chloe's birthday. Whatever the reason, I've been feeling a bit blue and a bit overwhelmed. (ok, more than a bit overwhelmed).
The good news is, God has given me some ideas about how to feel better. I have figured out that I am not an island. (Duh). I thought I was good at asking for help, but really I need to do better. Today my neighbor and I took the kids for a walk and for lunch at a park. It was really nice. I've been talking to some other moms about how I feel and it's so refreshing to find out I'm not the only one. I didn't know they had a name for that trapped feeling you get after a while when you can't leave the house between 9 and 12 or between 2 and 4 because of nap-time and lunch time. (Naptime prison). I've decided I have to let go of my plans to be perfect. (It's futile--sometimes she's just going to have to eat hot dogs and cheetos instead of freshly sauted spinach and homemade chicken enchiladas!!). I'm hoping to join a mom's group with my neighbor and get Gramma to come over on those mornings so I can go to it while Alyssia naps. I'm also going to let go of that feeling of "I"m getting nothing done!!" when she's having one of those days when playing inside the play yard is just not an option. She's having more of those because she wants to explore and practice all that great crawling and cruising and balancing. Whoever said or thought that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy job is SO clueless.
As I've said in previous posts, my job as a judge was a cakewalk compared to this. I've been doing a little work for other attorneys recently and it's amazing how quickly I'm getting the work done. It's like I have to do everything at lightening speed because the baby is ABOUT TO GET UP FROM HER NAP SO TYPE FASTER! or ABOUT TO START THROWING FOOD FROM THE HIGHCHAIR SO GET HER DOWN NOW or ABSOLUTELY REFUSING TO STAY IN THE PLAY YARD!!!
When Alyssia was tiny, other moms used to say to me, "Oh, she's at the easy stage. Enjoy it." I'd smile and think, what is she talking about? I get up every 2 hours. I'm sore all the time. I feel like a zombie. How can this be the easy stage? Well, now I get it. I'm getting more sleep now, but wow, the days are so much more complicated. Just figuring out what to feed this kid three or four times a day (she's a picky eater and really needs to gain weight), how to keep her occupied when she's not eating or sleeping, and how to keep her from hurting herself when she's awake is requiring everything I have. Oh, and I'm discovering that it's hard on a person to be yelled and screamed at all day long--even if the person yelling is only 30 inches tall and only weighs 16 pounds!
Alyssia is going through this thing now where she wants to kiss and hug daddy all the time, but mom? fugeddaboutit. That's hard. You have to be mentally strong to do this job well.
Admitting all this sounded ridiculous to me until I started talking to other moms. This is a really hard job. Mom, I don't know how you did it with a 15 month old and a newborn. You are a GENIUS. A GENIUS, do you hear me? A GENIUS. Dad, you ought to thank God every day that He gave you a woman as talented, determined, and sweet as mom is. Mom, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for Deirdre, Megan and me. We love you.
Grammy!! You are also really amazing. Five kids!! And you were so young when you started and your mother was all the way in Jamaica and Grandpa was in the service and away from home a lot. Wow. You are awesome!! I honor you for the job you did raising all those kids and for all the wonderful time you spent with all of us when we were little. I know it meant the world to my mom and my aunties to have your help. Thank you. I love you.
To my sisters, Deirdre and Megan. You guys ROCK. You're doing an awesome job. You got to this stage before I did and I didn't hear you complaining. You're both tough and beautiful and caring and doing a good job with those babies. And I know they're a handful. Keep up the good work. I'm glad you have each other to hang out with sometimes. Give my brothers-in-law and nieces some kisses and hugs for me.
The good news is, God has given me some ideas about how to feel better. I have figured out that I am not an island. (Duh). I thought I was good at asking for help, but really I need to do better. Today my neighbor and I took the kids for a walk and for lunch at a park. It was really nice. I've been talking to some other moms about how I feel and it's so refreshing to find out I'm not the only one. I didn't know they had a name for that trapped feeling you get after a while when you can't leave the house between 9 and 12 or between 2 and 4 because of nap-time and lunch time. (Naptime prison). I've decided I have to let go of my plans to be perfect. (It's futile--sometimes she's just going to have to eat hot dogs and cheetos instead of freshly sauted spinach and homemade chicken enchiladas!!). I'm hoping to join a mom's group with my neighbor and get Gramma to come over on those mornings so I can go to it while Alyssia naps. I'm also going to let go of that feeling of "I"m getting nothing done!!" when she's having one of those days when playing inside the play yard is just not an option. She's having more of those because she wants to explore and practice all that great crawling and cruising and balancing. Whoever said or thought that being a stay-at-home mom is an easy job is SO clueless.
As I've said in previous posts, my job as a judge was a cakewalk compared to this. I've been doing a little work for other attorneys recently and it's amazing how quickly I'm getting the work done. It's like I have to do everything at lightening speed because the baby is ABOUT TO GET UP FROM HER NAP SO TYPE FASTER! or ABOUT TO START THROWING FOOD FROM THE HIGHCHAIR SO GET HER DOWN NOW or ABSOLUTELY REFUSING TO STAY IN THE PLAY YARD!!!
When Alyssia was tiny, other moms used to say to me, "Oh, she's at the easy stage. Enjoy it." I'd smile and think, what is she talking about? I get up every 2 hours. I'm sore all the time. I feel like a zombie. How can this be the easy stage? Well, now I get it. I'm getting more sleep now, but wow, the days are so much more complicated. Just figuring out what to feed this kid three or four times a day (she's a picky eater and really needs to gain weight), how to keep her occupied when she's not eating or sleeping, and how to keep her from hurting herself when she's awake is requiring everything I have. Oh, and I'm discovering that it's hard on a person to be yelled and screamed at all day long--even if the person yelling is only 30 inches tall and only weighs 16 pounds!
Alyssia is going through this thing now where she wants to kiss and hug daddy all the time, but mom? fugeddaboutit. That's hard. You have to be mentally strong to do this job well.
Admitting all this sounded ridiculous to me until I started talking to other moms. This is a really hard job. Mom, I don't know how you did it with a 15 month old and a newborn. You are a GENIUS. A GENIUS, do you hear me? A GENIUS. Dad, you ought to thank God every day that He gave you a woman as talented, determined, and sweet as mom is. Mom, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you did for Deirdre, Megan and me. We love you.
Grammy!! You are also really amazing. Five kids!! And you were so young when you started and your mother was all the way in Jamaica and Grandpa was in the service and away from home a lot. Wow. You are awesome!! I honor you for the job you did raising all those kids and for all the wonderful time you spent with all of us when we were little. I know it meant the world to my mom and my aunties to have your help. Thank you. I love you.
To my sisters, Deirdre and Megan. You guys ROCK. You're doing an awesome job. You got to this stage before I did and I didn't hear you complaining. You're both tough and beautiful and caring and doing a good job with those babies. And I know they're a handful. Keep up the good work. I'm glad you have each other to hang out with sometimes. Give my brothers-in-law and nieces some kisses and hugs for me.
Finally, I have to say, if I didn't have Ben helping me, I would be COMPLETELY crazy (instead of just a little bit crazy). He works hard all day and yet he comes home and helps with Alyssia so I can make dinner in peace. And he does dishes sometimes. And he mows the grass and does a few loads of laundry. And he's been telling me lately that I'm doing a good job and I so needed to hear it. Thanks, honey.
2 comments:
oh for cry-eye Stephanie! The only reason you haven't heard me complain is because I didn't blog it. Believe me, I COMPLAIN! lol
It only gets harder. Veronica has turned into a TV JUNKIE. She's a total addict. I have to fight with her...literally fight to wrestle the DVDs away from her pudgy little determined fingers. Then she screams bloody murder, following me from room to room screaming "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" with tears streaming down her face. Then there's the new aversion to having her diaper changed. Especially when it's poop. As soon as I get the diaper off and try to clean up the mess she starts bucking like a crazy worm and trying to grab the poopie diaper. I end up with poop all over me every time. (Keep in mind, she screams through the whole thing)
then there's the refusal to eat anything I put in front of her. She will eat exactly 3 bites of anything she likes and 0 bites of the things she doesn't. Then she demands to get down.
She is still 17 lbs and has been 17 lbs for 5 months now.
Then today, I had to wrap her in a towel (reminiscent of a straight jacket) in order to brush her disgusting teeth. I had to strap her arms to her sides to get it done. (Screaming all the while) don't tell DCFS.
Then there was the stomach bug that brought us all low for a week where I allowed her to stay in her pjs all day everyday and watch tv non-stop and eat donuts, chips and rice krispie squares. (breaking that habit now that we are well is HELL)
So, Steph, you are NOT alone. I won't be entering the Mother of the Year contest any time soon.
You girls are a riot. It gets easier eventually, only because you get more organized and learn from your mistakes (hopefully) and do it better next time. It's always a work in progress. A schedule and a little discipline help a lot. Expect to be always tired--just take care of your body well, because you'll need the strength. I loved every minute of being with you girls and watching you grow into the great women you are. You will love raising yours too. The benefits far outweigh the pains. Love you!
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